What is forever?
by Kimuthy99
Summary: Magnus has never truly been in love with anyone, not as much as he loves Alec. The only problem is that Alec will die someday and Magnus will live on without him. There's nothing to do, is there?
**A/N: Hey-o! As you can see, this is a short** **oneshot about Magnus and Alec. OTP! OTP! It's set in City of Fallen Angels. I hope that you enjoy :D**

Alec had accepted the fact that, one day, he would be dead. He knew that one day, he would wake up and never live to see the next night, or maybe, if he was lucky, he would go to sleep one night and never wake up. Magnus, on the other hand, couldn't accept that. He couldn't imagine the world without Alec. He would have to spend hundreds of years, knowing that he would never see his one true love again. He recalled all of his other love experiences; no matter who they were, he always felt bored eventually. But, then again, he had never felt this strongly about anyone before.

Magnus couldn't sleep. He couldn't eat. He couldn't even think. It was like nothing really mattered. His world revolved around Alexander Lightwood. He still had fifty or sixty years, right? Maybe he'd be able to let his wonderful Alexander go then. Deep down, he knew that wasn't true. He'd never let Alec go.

He'd researched for weeks on how to make the teenage shadowhunter immortal, but nothing that Alec would approve of had come up. Sure, if he were bitten by a vampire, Alec would be immortal, but that would take away his Shadowhunter life, something that Magnus couldn't let him do. It would destroy him to become a vampire, not breathing nor eating, just consuming blood out of necessity. Besides, if Magnus wanted a vampire, he could just date Clary's friend, Saun. Was that his name? Saun? Steve? Oh well, it didn't really matter. That boy was just not his type.

Not that Alec really was "his type." Alec was incredibly plain in his physical appearance and didn't put much effort forth. Of course, he really didn't need to. Ratty sweaters and ripped jeans looked good on him, and Magnus really didn't let him wear them for too long anyway.

Going back to his research, Magnus found a spellbook with the formula for immortality, but it necessitated extremely dark magic, and Magnus knew where that would get him.

"The law is hard, but it is the law," Magnus mocked, knowing the Clave killed warlocks who practiced dark magic. Along with silly Shadowhunter laws, Magnus's conscience knew too well what dark magic did to a person. Even if Alec would want him to perform the spell, the immortal being who would appear would not be his Alec. It would be a monster, devoid of a human soul and incapable of human emotions, or, at least, that's what the Clave would think. They would strip Alec of his Marks, something which Magnus had already seen being done to another Shadowhunter, and decided that it was a terrible process. No, he would not allow his Alec to be hurt like that.

Then there was the question of taking his immortality. It could be done. Magnus had seldom thought about it before, the only time being when he was still in love with Etta. He wondered what it would be like to die, to have to cherish years and moments because they could end all too fast.

Of course, he had never seriously considered it. Taking away his immortality would be like stopping a bestselling novel mid sentence and a hundred pages too short. He still had so much story to tell, but was really worth telling without Alec by his side? He thought of Tessa, who had once loved a mortal so much that she had never loved again. That had been two hundred years ago. Magnus picked up his cell phone and dialed her number. If anyone could help him now it would be her.

Three rings.

"Hello?" Tessa's voice sounded happy. "Magnus, it's so good to hear from you."

He could almost see her smile through the phone. A sigh escaped his lips. Why did he have to give her this burden?

"Do you still remember Will?" He asked finally. Tessa paused on the other side of the line.

"Yes, I could never forget someone like him," she whispered.

"Do you still love him?" Magnus's apprehension was getting the better of him. His hands were starting to shake.

"I still love him like I loved him when he came to rescue me from the Dark Sisters." Her voice held her sorrow and longing; Magnus wished that he hadn't called her. When he thought of Will, it was always the teenage boy that had thought that he was cursed, and his face when he had found out that it had all been a lie. The joy mixed with unwilling hope. The spring in his step as he ran from Magnus's townhouse. He knew that, to Tessa, Will will always be her one and only lover.

His mind wondered what it would be like to see your children and grandchildren grow old and die, but you would forever look to be twenty. Magnus decided that he didn't want to know.

"Why? What's this about?" Tessa asked, curiosity overcoming her loneliness. Will was now a happy memory; years had rubbed away the sharp pain of loss. She wanted to talk to Magnus about whatever was troubling him.

A tear streamed down his face, followed by another and another until he was sobbing into the phone.

" I'm going to lose him," he cried. "I can only give a few years of my life to him, when he gives me his eternity. No matter how much I try, I can't imagine living without him. It's like he restarted my life, and I can never go back to the way I was before. He completes me, fulfills me, makes me better than I can possibly be alone. He is as open as a book, allowing me to write over his every page and read his deepest thoughts, but all I can give him in return is my damnation. For I am damned, am I not? To live forever is to be damned for all eternity! To see the repeating cycle of life and death and never fully partake in it. I don't want it, any of it. I love him, Tessa. I love him."

Magnus threw the phone to the ground and cried. Tears streaked down his chin and onto his clothes. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried this hard for someone. He doubted that he ever had. Curled up on the ottoman, with his knees pulled up to his chest, still sobbing, Alec found him.

Alec had thrown his keys on the counter, glancing around the loft. Upon seeing Magnus, he had run to the warlock and wrapped his runed arms around him.

"Shhh, Shh, I'm here now," he whispered, rubbing soothing circles on his back. "I'm right here. Don't cry. What's wrong?"

Alec was never the best at consoling lovers. That was usually Jace's job. Magnus didn't answer. He just grabbed onto Alec's neck and dragged him down.

"I love you, Alexander Lightwood, and I always will."

"I love you too, Magnus."

It was then that Magnus realized that forever didn't matter right now. Now was the time to cherish with his Alexander.


End file.
